Writing - More Fun with the English Language

Here are some rules to remember when writing:

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. About them sentence fragments and pronouns.
3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
4. Correct spelling is esential.
5. When dangling your participles are in the wrong place.
6. Use your apostrophe's correctly.
7. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
8. Proofread you writing.
9. i think case is important.

Remember, you must first know the rules before you can break them!

Writing -- A Few Simple Rules

Have you ever noticed that, while your writing teacher corrects your punctuation and your tenses, famous authors use them in novels all the time? If you pay attention, though, those novels are sometimes written from a certain character's point of view, that is, the character is telling the story. Other times, the author only breaks the grammatical rules when he is writing one character's dialog. In these cases, the author is using grammar to reveal details about a character.

Make no mistake. These authors know how to use perfect grammar, but they choose to break the rules in order to let us infer more about a character. You must know the rules before you break them!

Here are some examples of how you can have fun with the rules of grammar:

1. Always avoid alliteration.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid cliches like the plague.

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrase are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Don't be redundant. Don't use words more than necessary. It's highly superfluous.

13. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

14. Be more or less specific.

15. Understatement is always spectacular.

16. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

17. One-word sentences? Elliminate.

18. Analogies are like feathers on a snake.

19. The passive voice is to be avoided.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

Writing - The English Language is Difficult!

Did you know that the English language is one of the most difficult languages to learn to read and write? The reason is that, although we have rules, we also have many, many exceptions to those rules. We also have tons of homophones, or words that sound the same, but are spelled differently or that have different meanings. And then there are homonyms, or words that are spelled the same, but have different meanings.

Keep in mind that because our language is so crazy, we are able to have a lot of fun with it!

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

Since there is no time like the present, it is time to present the present.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with the planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections, my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Writing Tip of the Day - Apostrophes

Have you ever seen a sign like this at a store or along a road:

Did you notice that unnecessary apostrophe? This is called a "grocer's apostrophe" because it is commonly seen in grocery stores and roadside produce stands, although it could pop up anywhere.

Apostrophes can indicate two things - either that two words are being combined into one contraction or that something is owned by someone or something else.

Let's take a look at the first case - the contraction. A contraction happens when two words are combined into one. The apostrophe substitutes for the missing letters.

For example:

Now let's look at the second case - the possessive. The possessive form is used to indicate that something belongs to someone or something else. In this case, we add "apostrophe s" to the end of the name of the person or the thing that does the possessing.

For example:

This is Sarah's puppy. The yellow toy is the puppy's rubber ducky.

Writing Tip of the Week: Run-On Sentences

A run-on sentence doesn't know when to stop. It goes on and on, combining two or more ideas with no, or incorrect punctuation.

For example: I had pizza for lunch it was good. This type of run-on is called a fused sentence because there are two complete thoughts here, but no punctuation.

The easiest way to correct this run-on is to add a period and separate the two thoughts into individual sentences: I had pizza for lunch. It was good.

We could also fix it with a comma that separates the thoughts, but does not create a separate sentence. If we do this, we must also use a conjunction, or connecting word. For example, I had pizza for lunch, and it was good.

Remember that 1 comma + 1 conjunction= one period.